Thursday, September 24, 2015

Baby girl is here!

Ellanna Paige Lite

Thursday, September 24, 2015
7lbs 11oz
20.5 inches long

All three of us are head over heels for our new chick! 

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

40 weeks | september 22, 2015 | littlest lite

How far along? FORTY WEEKS! Officially the MOST pregnant I've ever been!
Baby is the size of:  a jackfruit
Total weight gain: gain of .8 { 145.6 to 146.4 } - total gain 36.4
Stretch marks? no
Sleep: not wonderful. i've been sickish the past week... so coughing and LOTS of peeing
Best moment this week: Just being home <3 and now having bru home... he's been working so much, it's nice to have him home for 10 days
Anything making you queasy or sick: i dont think so
Labor Signs: just uncomfortable and some tan discharge (may be from internal exam) - same and some stronger hicks
Symptoms:  just getting kicked in the ribs ALL the time. stretching and pulling muscles when sleeping. terrible sciatic nerve pain on my right side. from my lower back to my butt and tingling down to my foot. getting kicked in a nerve in my hoo-haa now too
Belly Button in or out?  way out!
Wedding rings on or off? one on at a time and some days not at all

Feelings:  getting very anxious. the anticipation is killing me and I'm not good with surprises so its scary. and i'm worried about when my water will break... i dunno why but it's freaking me out. im just getting to that point where i don't want to be pregs anymore and enough is enough. Nights are hard, im exhausted, feet swelled, im sick with a cold or allergies, have terrible gas, nausea, don't wanna eat and nerve pain like woah. i hate night time! so because of that, it's making me a little more accepting of the change that's about to happen. A little more okay with the thought of sleepless nights (praying she's a good sleeper!) and sore boobies! As bad as that all sounds, it still sounds better than how I've been feeling as of late. I think that's nature's way of getting us moms ready for the freight train that's about to come crashing into our lives! It makes us feel ok with the freight of birth and all that accompanies it! i can't believe how terrified i am this time, i really thought i'd do better since liv's birth was a piece of cake and so magical but truth is, i'm scared shitless! just praying it all goes well, we have a healthy, happy baby and the birth is smooth so i can go home the same day (hahahha i wish) but have to stay only one night so i can be home with my first girl. <3
Looking forward to: not having to worry about a birth chasing me anymore! it's so super exciting and SO super scary all at the same time.

Wednesday Dr update: had the growth scan and elle is 38% which is still tiny but not unhealthy tiny. she's estimating around 7lbs2oz and her 'due date' based on those measurements put her due on or around Oct 4!! i guess that's because it's so hard to predict size once they get to be this big so they give a 16 day window of when the babe could possibly be due. I can't imagine! Her HR was 167 and fluid is good. I only gained .2 on doc's scale. My cervix is about 2-3cm, high and soft. Doc thinks I'll proly go before my due date... something cute, liv asked the US tech for a pic of elle's heart from the ultrasound. Talk about melt my heart! <3 I will go for a non-stress test and another US on Monday.

Monday Dr update: everything looks perfect! babe is happy (even tho she looks grumpy on the US) and content just curled up in my belly. She really didn't wanna move much when the tech was playing with her which is proly why she looked so grumpy! She had very chubby cheeks and big lips like Liv's! My fluid is 13cm which is wonderful considering it's usually about 10cm at this stage in the game. I'm on 2cm dilated and 50% effaced and my cervix is VERY high posterior. Doc said she can stick her finger in and touch babe's head tho! Her HR was all over the place 140's to 170's... during the NST, when she moved, her HR went mid 170's! I go in Friday (Liv's bday) for another NST to make sure she's still good and I'm scheduled to be induced Monday night... i go in at 730 and they start pumping me with drugs to soften and open the cervix and then I'll most likely deliver next Tuesday if she doesn't come before that. Which at this point, I'm okay with her waiting until Saturday... after liv's bday. I really wanna take her to see Hotel Transylvania 2 and get some more 'free leave' days since my short term disability doesn't kick in into i actually deliver. 

our last date to panera and starbucks and target...

had to do a comparison at target

cute little thing for elle's room and matching necklace with liv

helping dad put together the last minute things

out to dinner at the place we were at when i was in labor with liv

snuggles with my girl

aunt p's fundraiser she started at work... everyone missed her

we got to keep aunt p's work badge :)

walking the mall trying to bring on labor

quality park time

last ellie belly shilohette

39 weeks | september 15, 2015 | littlest lite

How far along? 39 weeks - one more week? this isn't real!
Baby is the size of:  a watermelon
Total weight gain: gain .2 { 145.4 to 145.6 } - total gain 35.6
Stretch marks? no
Sleep: decent. lots of snoring!
Best moment this week: I don't think there's been any one moment... just being home. I'm loving spending so much time with my babe.
Anything making you queasy or sick: not really but occasional nausea
Labor Signs: just uncomfortable and some tan discharge (may be from internal exam)
Symptoms:  just getting kicked in the ribs ALL the time. stretching and pulling muscles when sleeping. terrible sciatic nerve pain on my right side. from my lower back to my butt and tingling down to my foot. 
Belly Button in or out?  way out!
Wedding rings on or off? one on at a time and some days not at all

Feelings:  mixed. my heart aches for the change that's about to turn our lives upside down. BUT then i'm really excited to meet elle and see how she fits into our lives. and as bad as it sounds, im excited to have my body back (somewhat)... it's getting hard some minutes. it's sad thinking it might be my last time pregnant but it's also refreshing thinking it's my last time to feel this way...feels like i've been pregs forever!
Looking forward to: meeting our girl and seeing how liv loves her. <3

Dr update: i don't go until Wednesday!

Kisses for sissy 
Breakfast with aunt Jenna 
Naps with sissy - she insisted <3
Just needed a pic of all of us before she decides to make her entrance 
Sissy the footrest
Just hanging in sissys room
The same cheesy pic I took with my Livvy lump 
Love these shots :)

She's been playing hide and seek behind my belly lately. Lol
Having a nice little sunday - hockey and...
Football! First Bears game of season!
This little girl gave me a hard hard day and finally passed out! 
Craft time! 
One of the pretty little pieces I made for Elle's room 
Going out to enjoy the day 
Catching some rays 
She was such a good girl today! 

Thursday, September 10, 2015

On my mind . . .

Here we go...

Since my little muffin is napping, I can kinda think about this better to be able to put it into words. And I wanna write it down so I have something to look back on and be like, I was right about that or I was completely wrong about that.

First and foremost, my biggest worry is labor and delivery. I pray it goes as smoothly as it did with Liv... that was a piece of cake! And more importantly, I worry about having a healthy baby. It's always so scary not knowing for sure that everything is going to be okay and I just want to know...EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY! :) I also want to know that this little blessing will be a good, colic-free and easy babe like Liv was. I'm so terrified of having a difficult child, it worries me every day. No joke. You just never know what hand you're going to be dealt.

I worry about splitting up my time and sharing myself with yet another person. I worry that Liv is going to feel the change and it's going to crush her not having momma and daddy's full attention. I don't want her to be resentful and angry about her sister taking up our time too... I just feel like that would devastate her and then me to see how it hurts her. She is OUR little bestie. :) I'm going to do everything in my power to keep the 'changes' as minimal for Liv as possible... I know that's practically impossible, but I'm going to keep our routines the same and just incorporate Elle into them, as much as it's possible. That's so important to me. Just as much as Liv having HER time with momma and daddy... we've already talked about having to take Liv on dates, just her. And each of us still having our individual time with Liv alone. That's important too. She's such a special kid and she still deserves everything she's gotten for the past three years and I don't want having another baby to change that.

I worry about loving another...I know people always say your heart doubles in size, but I just don't see how that's possible when I feel so full of love already - how can there be MORE? And how will I have enough love to go around for both girls? How will I be able to be everything each one of them needs me to be? It just doesn't seem humanly possible all while keeping my sanity... And I worry about cherishing every moment like I do now - how will I be able to do that for two?!

I worry that having a little baby around will either A. make Liv feel like she needs to grow up, mature and take on the big sister role full steam ahead, which I don't want at all because I still want her to be little. I still want her to experience things the way she would, in the time frame she would, regardless if there's a smaller person living with us or not. I don't want her to be forced to grow up. Therefore, I will let her be little. I read a babble article about this here and it really opened my eyes. Especially because everyone always asks Liv if she's ready to be a big sister, is she ready to help mom out, etc etc. and while that's cute and all, I don't want to take anything away from her childhood and letting her just be a child... or even baby for that matter. Because while we're always quick to call them "toddlers", she's still a baby... growing, learning, exploring, making mistakes every day... and that's OK! But then there's the flip side, B. I also worry about her seeing her sister be a baby which in turn makes her revert back to baby-babyish ways... such as diapers, crying excessively, etc. I have heard that that can be the case some times and just hope that's not the case for us. I just want her to be her amazing little self. I don't want this to 'take away' anything from her... I want it to only 'add value' to her life and there's no promises for that.

I get excited to think about going through this all over again, raising a baby girl, but I also have this weird feeling like we did that with Liv and that was special and it can't be duplicated. That was only a Liv thing! Which I know sounds super crazy but I just think about doing it all over again and it doesn't seem right. But don't get me wrong, I'm super excited to relive it all again in a different way.

I really hope they complete each other and become built in besties. I know that doesn't always happen for siblings, but I'm praying it happens for our girls. You never know what kind of baby/person you're going to get and I just hope Elle is the perfect fit for our family (which I have a good feeling she will be!). We REALLY lucked out with Liv and I pray we get blessed with another just like her. Over the past year or so, I have noticed that Liv might be missing something in her life and whether that's a sibling or not, I won't know until Elle is here. And it might not be until Elle is actually at an age where she can interact with Liv or then again, just having Elle around, regardless of her age, might be the thing that's been 'missing'. I don't really know, but I've been wondering if just having a playmate around is what Liv's been needing... only time will tell but regardless, I just hope these two grow up the best of friends.

I have a good feeling that we are going to see an even more caring and compassionate side to Liv once her baby sister is here. I have already seen how much she loves my belly and the sheer idea of a baby sister growing inside. She's always there to take care of me/my belly/sissy and I think it's going to be the exact same once she's here in the world. I'm ready for my heart to explode. I'm also ready for my heart to explode over how much Bru loves having his two little girls. Considering how amazing he is with Liv and how they adore one another, I could cry just thinking about TWO. It's just going to kill me!

Whatever the outcome of all this is, I have faith that it will be everything we need. I know I worry about things I shouldn't but I'm a thinker. I will do my best to be the best mom I can be and I will love both of my girls unconditionally. No matter what.

Cheers to the road ahead! :))

Liv loves to snuggle her sissy already <3

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

38 weeks | september 8, 2015 | littlest lite

How far along? 38 weeks . . .  this is still mind blowing to me.
Baby is the size of:  a pumpkin! just in time for my favorite season :)
Total weight gain: no change { 145.4 to 145.4 } - total gain 35.4...however i did gain a couple on the doc's scale
Stretch marks? no
Sleep: ehh... not getting better really
Best moment this week: my last day of work on Thursday!!! i was so happy for that day to come and I'm enjoying being home with my little chick.
Anything making you queasy or sick: not really but occasional nausea
Labor Signs: contractions 2-6 mins apart for about 4 hours...ack!
Symptoms:  just getting kicked in the ribs ALL the time. stretching and pulling muscles when sleeping. terrible sciatic nerve pain on my right side. from my lower back to my butt and tingling down to my foot. 
Belly Button in or out?  way out!
Wedding rings on or off? one on at a time and some days not at all

Feelings:  it was an exciting and sad week for bru and i. Thursday was officially his last day of just him and liv and Thursday night was my official last night with just me and liv. and he recognized that way before i did... he got all sappy about it. it was very cute. my last day of work was thursday and he started working days as of Monday so now I'm home during the days and he's home during the nights with us. It's nice to have more together time but it was kinda sad because i know both of us cherish our alone time with her very much. we will just have to be sure to make alone time with her once elle gets here.
Looking forward to: two full weeks of time with my livvy loo. even tho i won't be able to do too much, it will still be nice to have our time together before the unknown occurs. Which I'm worrying about. i just don't want liv to feel slighted in any way and its weighing heavily on me as elles birth nears.

Dr update: 50% effaced and soft. 1cm dilated, 1.5 internal loss, and at station -2. HR was 156. Doc says she thinks I'll go till maybe one or two days before due date if not until my actual due date which is wonderful. when she did the internal exam she could really get a good idea of how big babe is and she said she thinks elle will be at least 7lbs if not more. however, since the growth scan was showing her at a week small, she wants me to have another one next week just to be sure she's not in the 10 percentile. If that's the case, i think they have to take the babe as the assumption is the placenta isn't doing it's full job anymore. we shall see! she also told me i look good for pregnancy :D

last morning facetime sesh
last bathroom bump selfie
my little cutie pie!
daddy soaking up the last few mins before heading off to his last night of work before babes here
his last day with her and my last night with her
she just loves spending time in sissy's room
our last morning waking up next to each other
she just looks so old to me here! wahhhhh
she was sneaking some belly rubs
i ate a basketball for lunch!
just getting used to having a baby in bed with us too!

doctor liv just checking on sissy to make sure she's doing okay :)

Thursday, September 3, 2015

To : My Sweet Elle Belle

My sweet little girl,

I can't believe the crazy array of emotions I am feeling these last few weeks as your arrival nears. They're pretty much all the same things I was feeling when I was at the end with your big sister as well, only this time I have her to worry about too! I just can't believe that me and your daddy got so lucky to be blessed with TWO little girls. I mean seriously, what did I do to deserve this? When we found out you were a girl, I cried tears of pure joy as I sat on the table at the doctor's office. I just couldn't believe I got so lucky!

With that, I'm so excited to meet you and love you. And super excited to see just how much your sister is going to LOVE you. I'm also going to die over the outpouring of love I will see as your daddy loves and melts over TWO baby girls. Oh my gosh! I can see it now and my heart is a puddle.

I'm also getting sad thinking that my Ellie Belly is going to be gone soon! In some aspects it feels like I've been pregnant for EVER and in others it feels like it has flown by. Especially since you will probably be my last babe, I'm trying to soak this time with you in as much as I can, regardless of the ups and downs I've had this time.

You have definitely been a VERY active babe and I will miss feeling you in my belly. There have been quite a few times where you have blown me away with your movements and I'm hoping this won't be any taste of what's to come when you're out of my belly! I hope you will be a little more calm than that but we'll see! You are scared of the ice machine and when my tummy growls, it's really funny watching you jump at the noise. I love to just sit and watch my belly contort into all different shapes, you're always trying to get comfy. It makes me happy to know you're flourishing in there. Even the ultrasound tech and doctor were always amazed by watching you move around in there!

I just want you to know, you are already loved so much by all of us, especially your big sister. When I'm away from her for awhile and she sees my belly, she gives you a big squeeze and kiss and says how much she missed you. I just know you two are gonna the best of friends. <3


To : My Sweet Livvy Loo

A letter to my first baby... 
The sweet girl who made me a mom... 
The child that makes me a better person...

As I sit here and think back to this exact time three years ago, my worries, fears and excitements we're similar but also very different. I was worrying about if I would be a good mom, how dad and my relationship would end up being with a new addition to our little family, etc. I feared that you would be a difficult baby. But I was beyond excited to meet you finally and see what kind of person you were going to become. Knowing what I know now, those were a lot of wasted emotions! You have completely blown me and your daddy away with what a special and kind soul you are. People who don't even know you, or only see photos of you on social media can even tell this about you. We got so lucky you chose us to be your parents.

Now thinking about the arrival of your little sister, I still worry about being a good mom to you while having another child to care for as well. And now I worry about how sissy is going to fit into our family dynamic of the three of us. But I have one over arching worry and fear and that is that I just hope and pray that bringing your sister into our family won't crush your special little spirit. Like I said before, you are just such a special little girl that I would be devastated to see anything change that. I know the change is inevitable and there will be some adjusting, but my hope is that adding a baby sister to our family will only allow us to see an even more special side to you.

I am so incredibly excited to see how you open your heart up to your little sister and to see what comes of all this for you. You are the most caring small child I know. You're always concerned about other's feelings and making sure everyone is okay. I have loved your back rubs throughout this pregnancy, even if they are 10 seconds, it's still more than your daddy gives me! You're always there to make sure I'm feeling okay and to tell me "it will be okay momma" when I yelp out in pain. You make sure I'm eating to feed sissy and taking a "rest" when I'm feeling bad. Your empathy is powerful. Deep down, I know, I just know you will be the same to your sister as you are to me. It is just so hard for me to see it now with all the other worries, fears and excitements getting in the way.

We've spent a lot of time together the past three years and I have loved every second. I love our "you and me" nights when daddy is at the fire house. I love our Friday days out running errands and having lunch at Panera. I love our Target trips. I love our Sunday morning breakfasts at Starbucks. I love our trips to Michael's. I just love spending time with you little sidekick.

Looking back at all the pics of taken over the past three years, just makes my heart swell. We have shared so many beautiful times and while I can't believe those times of just you and me will be coming to an end soon, they will become even more fun as we include your sister! And don't get me wrong, you and I will still have our special times to do things just us. You have my promise!

I want you to know that adding another person to the family won't mean our love for you will change in quantity at all. In fact, I'm sure my love for you will only be multiplied and amplified as I see you love on your sissy. I also want you to know, no matter how much attention sissy gets, you will ALWAYS be the center of my universe. I will try my best to still do things the same way for you while incorporating sissy into the mix. I don't want things to change any more than they have to for you. I will still treasure our normal things. But if I seem a little more tired or get flustered a little easier than normal, just know I don't mean to take it out on you and it's only for a short time, it will pass. I still want to play with you and snuggle and kiss and hug you, you might just have to be patient with me for a minute. I will need to get the hang of being a mommy of two now.

No matter how big you get, you will ALWAYS be my little baby. My FIRST little baby. And I will let you be that. I love you more than humanly possible and won't ever stop!

Love, Momma
your "best friend in the whole world" quoted 9.3.15