Thursday, September 3, 2015

To : My Sweet Livvy Loo

A letter to my first baby... 
The sweet girl who made me a mom... 
The child that makes me a better person...

As I sit here and think back to this exact time three years ago, my worries, fears and excitements we're similar but also very different. I was worrying about if I would be a good mom, how dad and my relationship would end up being with a new addition to our little family, etc. I feared that you would be a difficult baby. But I was beyond excited to meet you finally and see what kind of person you were going to become. Knowing what I know now, those were a lot of wasted emotions! You have completely blown me and your daddy away with what a special and kind soul you are. People who don't even know you, or only see photos of you on social media can even tell this about you. We got so lucky you chose us to be your parents.

Now thinking about the arrival of your little sister, I still worry about being a good mom to you while having another child to care for as well. And now I worry about how sissy is going to fit into our family dynamic of the three of us. But I have one over arching worry and fear and that is that I just hope and pray that bringing your sister into our family won't crush your special little spirit. Like I said before, you are just such a special little girl that I would be devastated to see anything change that. I know the change is inevitable and there will be some adjusting, but my hope is that adding a baby sister to our family will only allow us to see an even more special side to you.

I am so incredibly excited to see how you open your heart up to your little sister and to see what comes of all this for you. You are the most caring small child I know. You're always concerned about other's feelings and making sure everyone is okay. I have loved your back rubs throughout this pregnancy, even if they are 10 seconds, it's still more than your daddy gives me! You're always there to make sure I'm feeling okay and to tell me "it will be okay momma" when I yelp out in pain. You make sure I'm eating to feed sissy and taking a "rest" when I'm feeling bad. Your empathy is powerful. Deep down, I know, I just know you will be the same to your sister as you are to me. It is just so hard for me to see it now with all the other worries, fears and excitements getting in the way.

We've spent a lot of time together the past three years and I have loved every second. I love our "you and me" nights when daddy is at the fire house. I love our Friday days out running errands and having lunch at Panera. I love our Target trips. I love our Sunday morning breakfasts at Starbucks. I love our trips to Michael's. I just love spending time with you little sidekick.

Looking back at all the pics of taken over the past three years, just makes my heart swell. We have shared so many beautiful times and while I can't believe those times of just you and me will be coming to an end soon, they will become even more fun as we include your sister! And don't get me wrong, you and I will still have our special times to do things just us. You have my promise!

I want you to know that adding another person to the family won't mean our love for you will change in quantity at all. In fact, I'm sure my love for you will only be multiplied and amplified as I see you love on your sissy. I also want you to know, no matter how much attention sissy gets, you will ALWAYS be the center of my universe. I will try my best to still do things the same way for you while incorporating sissy into the mix. I don't want things to change any more than they have to for you. I will still treasure our normal things. But if I seem a little more tired or get flustered a little easier than normal, just know I don't mean to take it out on you and it's only for a short time, it will pass. I still want to play with you and snuggle and kiss and hug you, you might just have to be patient with me for a minute. I will need to get the hang of being a mommy of two now.

No matter how big you get, you will ALWAYS be my little baby. My FIRST little baby. And I will let you be that. I love you more than humanly possible and won't ever stop!

Love, Momma
your "best friend in the whole world" quoted 9.3.15

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